she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
