i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
