Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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