I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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