dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
