this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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