Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
