Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
