How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
