um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
