I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
