i need an iv and a liver transplant
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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