how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
