I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
