ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
