Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
