Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
