She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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