listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
