She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
