I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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