mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
