6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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