I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
