My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
