I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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