i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
