mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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