I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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