Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
