No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
