I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
