hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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