I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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