I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
