Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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