sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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