I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
