I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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