oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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