yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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