exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
