you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
