another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
