You smell like stripper and shame
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
