Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
