i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
