she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
did i just pee glitter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
