All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
