I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
lets start a swedish sibling band together
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
