PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she told me i tasted like america
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
