im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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