don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
