In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
